Seven.Caged.Tigers

Half way through the week and gas has risen to $3 a gallon in Michigan. This is becoming a problem as I do commute a good distance to and from work. Michigan doesn’t have public transportation or even incentives to carpool. We are after all the center of everything automobile in the country. We love our SUVs and full-size luxury cars. Who needs a Hybrid when you can buy a H2? (that’s sarcasm, folks). In any case, I topped off my tank this morning. I got just about 4 gallons and it cost me over $12. I felt like getting sick in the parking lot of the station.

While I’m not a praying kind of gal, my heart does go out to everybody in Biloxi and New Orleans. The only connection I have to New Orleans is via one of Jeremy’s group of guy friends. His long-time girlfriend is from the city and her family lives there (I think, still). I hope everything is well with them and that they are safe. Hugs to Olivia and Jim.

Now that I’m sufficiently depressed, I have to talk about how excited I am for the new season of television. Ever since getting DirecTV’s TiVo it seems that JT and I are addicted to watching. The problem is that we never have to watch anything we don’t want to. There’s always something on. And now since JT hacked our box, we have a 120GB hard drive in it which records like 100 hours of shows. It’s ridiculous. The new season is looking up. We’ll have Survivor and America’s Next Top Model as far as “reality” television goes. As far as shows, I’m looking forward to House, Desperate Housewives, and Prison Break (which we just watched) on FOX not to mention CSI (CBS) and Medium (NBC). There’s just too much on my plate–and none of it really matters.

I love my hubby. He’s a great guy. He does however have one major flaw. He snores like a freakin’ maniac. No joke. A couple weeks ago I went to be after him and realized he was already really wound up. He does get worse during the night (including weird puffs of air, occasional sleepwalking, and frequent sleep talking) but as I’m usually very much asleep at those times I can only provide to you proof of his snoring. Enjoy.

(please right click and save to your computer if you want to view)

For your examination, JT’s Snoring Bonanza.

This is going to be the only time I say it for fear of jinxing myself, but I am going to do the whole Nanowrimo (National Novel Writing Month) thing this year. It takes place in November and emphasizes productivity over perfection for a first draft. That’s exactly the kind of incentive I need. I’m a perfectionist and incredibly critical of my own writing. I realize I can do it, but that’s not enough–I need constant hand holding and positive reinforcement. It’s a sad state of affairs in my little novel-writing heart.

It is perfect timing for me. I have been knocking around a few ideas for years now. I’ve gathered together all my writing inspiration (books, primarily) and have been prepping myself for the November 1 launch date. I don’t even want to talk about any ideas I have for a novel once again for fear of jinxing myself. Suffice it to say, that whatever my story ends up being I will have done my fair share of research in the way of reading.

The weekend went well. It was quiet and JT and I didn’t even go out to eat once. We stayed at home (save for a trip to Memphis Smoke in Royal Oak on Saturday night for a birthday celebration) and relaxed. On Sunday I did get somewhat ambitious and did some painting of trim on my house. I also did a good deal of cleaning not to mention laundry and dishes. I was a woman on a mission it seems. I also finally got around to watching the series finale of Six Feet Under. I had it on TiVo so I was just waiting for the right opportunity. Oh my. The show went pretty much as expected up until the last fifteen minutes or so. I haven’t wept like that to a television show in at least a few years. Wow, wow, wow. If that episode doesn’t earn them Emmy nominations, I don’t know what will.

So that’s it. I’m boring.

JT and I went to an awful movie last night. The tickets were free so apart from the lost time we really weren’t out anything of note. I had read going into the showing that it was really bad. The title, Chaos, didn’t even come close to reflecting how messy the whole thing was. It was actually until the end a shot-by-shot remake of Last House on the Left. I didn’t like that movie particularly, so I didn’t figure I’d like this one. Well, it was worse than I expected. The whole selling point is that it is the bloodiest and nastiest movie ever. Whatever. It’s a stupid movie and that is it.

I went into Chaos knowing of a scene where the killers cut off a girl’s nipple and eat it (I didn’t know they also fed it to her). Clearly this was not a family movie. That’s why I was shocked to walk into the pre-screen and see a load of elderly people who clearly had no idea what they were getting into. The funniest was that there were three old biddies to our left and two old ladies and an old man behind us. Neither group recognized one another. Finally one came over and said “hey! I didn’t expect to see you here.” Mind you, I didn’t even expect to see anybody of that sort there. They then went on to talk about how they hadn’t planned anything for Friday (it’s the sabbath) and chattered in yiddish about the synagogue. I knew none of them would last.

I approximate that “fuck” was used 100 times in the first ten minutes of the movie. There was no real violence or nudity. The old people behind us left at that point. A few others also got up and went. So we kept on watching. I knew that at some point we’d lose half the audience. Enter nipple-eating scene. Probably 50 people got up and left disgusted. The second girl-killing was pretty nasty too, but at that point I didn’t expect anybody to leave. Even more folks left. I estimate about 1/3 of the audience was gone by about 50 minutes into the film. Oh yes. It was classic people watching. The people watching, in fact, was more entertaining than the movie itself by a long stretch.

My imagination runs wild in considering what those old ladies were talking about on their way home. I also find it hilarious that somebody gave them free passes. I guess they wanted to fill the theater. At all costs…

Have you ever seen something so twisted and disturbing that it makes you completely avert your eyes? I’m not talking about something obvious like a fatal car crash or even that crazy episode of CSI about yiffing and scritching. You know the one…

In any case, I’m talking about a picture that’s not intended to frighten but does. Something so unexpected and freaky that it is forever imprinted on your brain. Something so very unusual that it’s deemed the craziest thing you’ve seen in a freakin’ long ass time. I have a candidate for the title thanks to none other than our fire-haired friend Carrot Top.

Once upon a time in Sault Ste. Marie I saw his show. LSSU didn’t get much for acts, but they made a point of getting Carrot Top. I’d have preferred Margaret Cho or somebody else, but he worked just fine. He was goofy and weird and made fun of being in such a rural place (which it indeed was) comparing it to Green Acres in particular. I thought he was spontaneous and interesting.

Well, let me just for one say that he’s gotten much more interesting–and not in a good way. Carrot Top officially terrifies me and this is why. I do appreciate that he wants to be in shape, but the whole package clashes with itself. The face, the tan, the freckles, the red hair, and oh yes the body too. I personally love how the site I refer to has simply “Holy Mother of God” as their update. Somehow it seems so very appropriate.

My retinas are burned. I must share the pain.

Stewie’s Quote of the Day: “Let me guess, you picked out yet another colorful box with a crank that I’m expected to turn and turn until OOP! big shock, a jack pops out and you laugh and the kids laugh and the dog laughs and I die a little inside.”

I would just like a day (or even better a whole week) of no responsibility and no worries. Of course that’s never going to happen, but this girl keeps on wishing for a tiny miracle. JT and I went to a wedding for my second cousin, Katie. Don’t ask. My family is very weirdly close. It was a good time, but the ceremony was at 2pm with the reception immediately following. I got tired and indigestion around 8pm and had to leave. ‘Tis the story of my life. It was a good time though–thank you Katie and Mark!

This weekend we also got to see Ray finally. It was a great movie. Of course immediately after that I decided we had to go try to spend money at Best Buy. It’s even free money and I still couldn’t come up with anything good to get. Talk about feeling like a loser! Immediately after, we headed to Petco to get a few new fish and inquire about our Litter Mate. We bought the auto cat little thing early last month. It broke after just two or three weeks. However we’d already thrown out the box and receipt (we’re stupid, okay) so we didn’t think we could return it. Petco was very kind and generous–they did it with no questions asked and gave us the same model in exchange. Oh yes–they also gave us a receipt which is now plastered on the fridge just in case something else happens.

I saw the news that Beck joined the White Stripes on stage. I would have given my right breast to have seen that show. Both are fabulously talented and both are among my favorite acts. It really is too bad that I limit myself to one or so show a year. I just don’t get enough joy out of seeing perfomers live to justify spending $100 for two tickets. Maybe if they were free to me I’d be at more.

I really, honestly don’t have anything of note to talk about. I was busy at work today, which was good. It helped things to move along more quickly. That said I’m currently carrying around a database-fuzzed brain. I love working with data, but at the same time the logic is always mind boggling.

Anyhow, I also found out today all about the new girls on the next season of ANTM (America’s Next Top Model for your reality television challenged folks). There’s a girl from Michigan (Dexter to be precise) named Kyle. Michigan connections tend to be the kiss of death save for Bachelor Bob and Naima. Outside of that, the state’s history in reality is pretty dire. I’m excited for the new season to start next month. I believe that officially makes me a freak.

But aren’t we all freaks?

Tonight Big Brother is on. I hope to see Kaysar stay around over Janelle, but I somehow doubt that will be the case. We’ll see though. He’s got lots of tricks up his sleeves. I’m such a weirdo–all this reality TV is rotting my head. It’s like a massive Ponderosa buffet. Lots of reality TV but most of it sucks (or in the case of Ponderosa most of the food sucks).

By the way, let me know what you think of my pictures. I’ve been including them because I think it makes my site look spiffy. Plus, I want to seem more like words on a page. I have feelings, emotions, beliefs (and disbeliefs as the case may be), and an appreciation for pretty things. Ya’ll should see my garden. It was very nice this year, but next it will be simply gorgeous. I promise. People will want to visit my house just to hang out on my patio. Well…maybe not, but it’s still going to be lovely. It seems as if gardening has become a summer hobby. Who would have thought?

It’s been a while since I complained about reality television. Right now is the best time in a while. Why? Well, I’ve been watching Big Brother religiously. It’s been a good season with good personalities and great strife within the house. Right now, I’m PO’ed at none other than princess Jennifer. She’s a bitch. An out-and-out bitch. If she doesn’t think that going back on her word so obviously and then COMPLETELY screwing a bunch of people isn’t going to come back to haunt her, I want a little of the drugs she’s clearly sampling. Kaysar–he’s the man. Screw you stupid girl!

Gawd. How one show can make me this mad is pretty incredible. I love Big Brother. And you?

Stewie’s Quote of the Day: “It wasn’t even about the eggs, really. Frankly, I like the yolks. I have no problem. There’s always been a lot of tension between Lois and me. And it’s not so much that I want to kill her, it’s just, I want her not to be alive anymore. I sometimes wonder if all women are this difficult. And then I think to myself, ‘My God wouldn’t it be marvelous if i turned out to be a homosexual?”

This morning, I almost felt refreshed. Almost, until I looked at the clock and realized that it was indeed 5:15am and that in 45 minutes I would be walking out the door to work. Mornings certainly do come too quickly in my household.

Speaking of sleep, I missed out on a lot of mine two nights ago because the Baptists are busy doing some sort of construction. I call them “the Baptists” because that’s what they are. The building next door used to be community education or some such thing. It went up for sale and a group of fundamentalists (literally, it’s in their description) bought it. They drive like maniacs, honk their horns excessively, and generally annoy the living crap out of me. My mother in law suggested naked hot tubbing as an alternative to being angry. Of course since we don’t have a hot tub it would be more like “wandering around your back yard nude” which doesn’t sound nearly as appealing.

By the way, the whole Family Guy quote thing is because Stewie makes me happy. He should make you happy too. Therefore I must share.

Stewie’s Quote of the Day: “Is there any tread left on the tires or is it like throwing a hotdog down a hallway?

This weekend went…uh…quickly. I wanted to say well, but it was mundane and usual. Friday night, JT and I headed over to BW3 for dinner. It’s where he takes me when he can tell I’m unhappy. Somehow the combo of liquor, wings, and noisy children soothes me. Don’t ask. I don’t understand either. When we got there, we realized that our favorite radio statio (WRIF) was there. It came as a shock because truth be told Howell isn’t exactly close to Detroit.

Saturday too went by quickly. I spent some time wandering around this ancient graveyard a block away from my house. There are graves from as long ago as 1818 up until recently. It’s fascinating to check everything out. Yes, I’m a freak and yes, I’m morbid. Aside from that, we really didn’t do much. We watched two movies (The Machinist and The Woodsman) and slept. I like sleep. Sleep is my friend. Oh yes, and my sister and brother in law from Colorado (Durango) stopped by. Their reaction to fat-ass-cat was “whoa, that’s a big cat.”

Sunday was boring also. I don’t want to go into exactly how boring (wouldn’t want to tire my dear readers).

I would like to share one picture from my excursion to the cemetary:

Oh how I need this weekend to have already arrived. I need a stiff Long Island Iced Tea (or three) to smooth over my edges. Emotionally I’m drained and not even a week in the wilds of Canada managed to relax me. I don’t think I’ve ever been this stressed. Life, health, work–it’s problem after problem. Some of the disturbances in the force wouldn’t be so troubling if the others didn’t exist. Like work for instance. I don’t think I would be so unhappy if my life plans (aka to actually have a child) would work out.

I need to take a breather. I need to relax. I need to talk to somebody who won’t judge. I’m out of ideas on how to make myself feel better. Plus, after the last surgery I look down at my belly and I look like Frankenstein. My abdominal scars now rest at 10. I’m 28 years old and look to be in good health, though my tummy looks like somebody randomly hacked at it with a dagger. It’s always a reminder of all the crap I’ve had to go through. Physical reminders aren’t always a good thing, but at least I know that I can get through just about anything without completely crumbling.

Maybe shopping would help. I need some new clothes (okay, not really, but it is an excuse) and could use some perfume (as if 10 decently expensive scents weren’t already enough). It’s too bad that back to school season is here because there is no way in hell that I’m stepping foot inside a mall, Kohl’s, or even outlet plaza. You’d have to drug me and hog-tie me before you could get me in a Gap right now. There is, however, always Gap.com to fall back on.

Rambing on, I will depart for another weekend…

Oh. My. God. I do believe I’ve just stumbled upon the most ridiculously stupid yet hilarious Flash game ever! Thanks to none other than the equally enchanting hedonistica.com and online game designers NewGrounds the world has been gifted a game that can only be dubbed diabolical genius. It’s inexplicably called Dad n’ Me and allows for you, the blood thirsty game enthusiast, to blast through neighborhoods, playgrounds, and boy scout troops wreaking death and destruction along the way.

Did I mention it’s freakin’ hilarious? Kill enemies like “afroninja,” “illwill,” and “shok” to name a few. Take out your aggressions on your least liked kind of punk brat kid. Oh my. I’m laughing my butt off.

It rained a bit while I was in Canada. Not too much, but the wind was crazy enough that we lost power for nearly two days. On the upside, there was some truly spectacular lightning unlike anything I’ve ever seen (and I enjoy watching storms). Lightning would flash over Georgian Bay in a massive chain. It encompassed the whole darkened horizon. It reached for the stars and for the Earth. It was amazing.

However here in Michigan we haven’t gotten any rain to speak of. It’s hot, it’s muggy, and it’s dry-dry-dry. My plants are paying the price. Today we are supposed to get some much needed showers but the weather forecasters ’round these parts tend to be wrong. It’s a saying here:

“Don’t like in the weather in Michigan? Wait 10 minutes.”

There’s nothing more true. The lack of predictibility frustrates the crap out of me (if you can believe that). I just hope we get SOMETHING. I’ll be a happy girl. Plus, I have a plant I need to get in the ground tonight. It’s none too happy still being potted up.

Speaking of flowers, check out this picture of a Cardinal Flower (or is it Indian Paintbrush). I really don’t know what it is, but they grow like crazy along the banks of the rocky Georgian Bay.

To the brain-dead nut who was riding his blue bicycle on northbound US-23 early this morning, I hcan only wonder what in the bloody hell were you thinking? No. Seriously. It’s not about it being highly illegal for non motor vehicles to be on the expressway so much as it is about complete stupidity. That’s how you get killed. Even funnier? Stupid dude didn’t even have a helmet. I guess I should probably attribute it to natural selection/survival of the fittest.

A word to the (un)wise, don’t ride your bike on an expressway if you intend on living.

I’m back after a week’s vacation in Canada’s “cottage country.” First of course I went to my 10-year reunion. It went off without a hitch. It was actually a pretty wild little party. Lots of happiness and good times–and lots of booze. Everybody looked pretty good and most people have done good things with their lives. Most everybody was friendly save for one uppity you-know-what who still can’t get it through her head that she’s not as cute or great as she thinks. Seriously now–you work at a mall store regardless of how you slice it.

I also got to see Kristin and Karyn (and Jim). They are all great and the pregnant Kristin looks great too (and no, that’s not just jealousy talking)!

Vacation went well. It was quiet and uneventful. A lot of JT’s family was on the island with us. By the way “the island” is in Georgian Bay and is a family thing. My parents also joined us. I got some color (mostly freckles, some tan, and a little burn) and a few bumps and bruises. It always does make for a good time for rejuvination. The only real excitement came on our last night. As I walked up the steps from the dock I heard a funny buzzing noise. As I went to my cabin I heard the same noise start, stop, and start again. I paused and backed away. I knew what it was. It was a rattlesnake. They exist up there, but I’d yet to hear much less see one. The whole island is indeed infested with Mississauga rattlers this year. There aren’t many mice though…

So I’m back & I’ll be back at work tomorrow. Bah.